Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My ATM looks so different sober.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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