Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
