I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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