I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
