I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
