meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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