I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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