the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
