Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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