I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
