Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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