i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
