i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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