If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
