Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize