We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize