he wants to bone in the snuggie
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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