Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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