I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
