And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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