Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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