My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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