All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
