Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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