Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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