just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
