Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
