his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize