So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
