yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Are we still banned from the library?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
