she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
