Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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