i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
