highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
