Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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