I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
