yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
