So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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