do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
