I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
