You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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