Yo dont text me then not text me
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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