So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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