In the future we'll all be gay
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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