he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
