and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
