dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
