i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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