She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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