Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
