How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize