Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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