If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
