I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
