Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
