i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
