Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize