Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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