i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
