so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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