I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
MIDGETS
????
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
