I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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