I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
