Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
