...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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