If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
